Give Me Money & I'll Be Yours

werd

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 23:08:21 GMT

today was good. i'm glad things are starting to look better. Matt & i talked today. i love that kid he makes me laugh ( : last night i talked to Chewey till 4AM about everything going on in my life. he said he cares about how i feel & stuff like that. i'm glad i have him in my life. he makes me happy (: he's a great friend & i cant wait to see him again.

Brittany A. came up today(: i was really happy to see her (along with my dog...haha). she hung out here for a little while then ran home. i'm glad she & i got to spend some time together before things got busy for me & her. she's a great girl who i happen to love.

i'll be turning 18 in 2 MONTHS! YEEHAW! hahah i cant wait.

well i am go...comment hoes.

♥ AshRae(:

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 04:20:40 GMT

so i have decided to keep this journal public...i have created another one to keep private/friends only..

www.livejournal.com/users/infected_toe

go check it out ( :

♥ AshRae ( :

do it! hah comment & i'll comment back with this ( :

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 20:36:05 GMT

Comment, and . . .
* I’ll respond with something random I like about you.

* I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.

* I’ll name something we should do together.

* I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).

* I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.

* I’ll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.

* I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.

* If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people.

werd yo.

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 11:18:37 GMT

yeah it is definitely 7:13 in the morning when i am writing this. the only reason for it is because Shawn text messaged me around 6:15 telling me to get up. so i did. stupid stupid stupid. i am way tired now. he asked me if i wanted to go out to breakfast with him so i said sure. why the fuck not? he already woke me up, he should at least do something nice for me. hahaha. anyway, yesterday was fathers day. my dad is such a goober sometimes. but whatever. last night they were having steak, which i didn't want, so i texted Shawn to ask him to bring me some pizza, being the great guy that he is, he brought me 10 cuts of pizza...for free! i love him, he knows how to treat a girl right. but whatever.

YL Camp was a total blast...i loved everything about being a Rockbridge. it is soo.....tranquil? for lack of a better word. i did everything there. there wasn't one thing i didn't do only because i knew how much fun there was last year but i couldn't do anything last year (stupid me.). yeah whatever. so when i came home at 4:30 in the morning my mom told me that my brother was down in Ocean City, MD. wtf? hahaha. BTW! David is my hero, he is such a nice guy. i walked into Sheetz on the way home from Virginia & i didn't have any money so i was kinda down & he asked me what was wrong so i told him how someone had stolen 40 dollars from me at camp & that i didn't have any money to get anything, so he paid for it! it was so nice, as i was thanking him he goes "if Jesus can give up his life for me, i can give up some money for a friend" i thought that was the sweetest thing i have ever heard in my life. i love him, he's great.

well now i gotta go Shawn just called & told me he would be leaving the shop here soon! bye ya'll!

♥ AshRae(:

sorry it's been so long

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 20:34:05 GMT

sorry about not updating in like...ever...i have just been busy. finals, scheduling, just making sure everything works out right. it's a lot to handle these past few months. i am officially a SENIOR in high school! which kinda makes things a little scary. it's time to straighten up & fly right or there will be no graduation next year. i really hope my senior year goes as well as my sophomore year went. sorry kids, i hated my junior year...it sucked. everything about it sucked. :yawns: everything is been kinda weird lately. i mean with Chad being gone, things to be going a little bit worse. whatever. shit happens i guess right? welcome to high school is all i hear. whatever. i dont care. yeah this is kinda a pointless update...i just needed to update because people complained i never update anymore. so this update is for everyone who told me to update.

♥ AshRae (:

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 21:04:20 GMT

one month today for Chad...ugh...........

today didn't go so well either...IM me if you feel like talking about it

♥ AshRae ):

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 22:28:29 GMT

re·jec·tion(r-jkshn)
n.
1) The act of rejecting or the state of being rejected.
2) Something rejected.

yeah rejection sucks ass ) : i guess i'll learn to deal..

♥ AshRae ) :

actual prom dress this time!

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 15:24:27 GMT

leave me comments telling me what you think!

♥ AshRae (:

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 20:43:00 GMT

btw, everything is now FRIENDS ONLY!

when i say that I MEAN IT

i dont want ANYONE & I MEAN ANYONE going around saying what i write in here, it's just not cool...

comment to be add fuckers (:

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 20:15:08 GMT

i have come to the decision that i am only going to use this to tell people how my day went, not to express my feelings. after today, i dont think i am going to tell anyone what is going on in my life. everything i have ever said or done in the past 2 months have been used against me & i hate it. this is my journal! i dont want people saying what i write in it...yes i know people are like "wtf?" but it happened today. so starting now i am going to write about how my day went & stuff. no more of this how i feel about things.

so pretty much today sucked ):

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 06:16:24 GMT

today actually seemed to be an okay day. i still wasn't in a good mood, but who really gives a fuck anymore? i mean honestly. i didn't tell anyone that i was upset or anything. i kinda wish i did. but whatever.

i have came to the conclusion that i'll never get what i want in life. or in love. it sucks. i hate feeling this way. i really do. i wish someone would just kill me already. it sucks knowing that the person you care for still likes the person they have liked since you have met them. i just wish he had the same feelings for me as i do for him. it just wont happen though. i am not as SPECIAL as she is. whatever. people say i am better than her, but i haven't believed a single one of them. like last night at Gage's party, someone asked me if we were dating, & i got upset. i didn't let him know i was upset though. i kept it to myself. i dont like showing my feelings around him because he always knows what is wrong with me. whatever. this is the first time i have cried over him since the beginning of December since we took that "break in our friendship". i dont like crying over him. i really dont, but after awhile, it needs to happen. why? fuck i dont know. whatever. i mean seriously. i sidyf89wae6ratw eoifljgasiudtfraserwetriuawsgdf fuck.

last night was Gage's party. it was fun. i went with Matt. i hung out with him, Joey, & some other girl. Joey kept hitting on me though. it was pretty sick. he asked me to dance with him so he wouldn't feel like a loser. then Baby Got Back came on & he was saying how i have a nice ass & stuff & i just kept looking over at Matt with this look of terror upon my face. then everytime Joey would walk by us he would look down my shirt. it was discusting. so i pretty much hung out with Matt all night at the party ~~& i am definitely not complaining about it either~~. we had a good time. at the end of the party, Gage set up DDR & i destroyed Joey. Matt actually did alright. haha it was funny though. i loved it. i had a great time.

today i swear i was going to walk to Matt's house from here. & for people who know us & where we live...think about it. walking from the Jaffa Mosque to Penn State Altoona? that's a pretty far fucking walk, but i was willing to do it. i cant stand living here any longer. i want to go live with someone else for a while to see what it will be like not having my family around or living here & having to put up with their fucking bull shit. earlier today i went ice skating with Kels-o & met up with Kylie, Angelina, Justin, Laney (sp?), Jordan, Jessie, Alisha & her b/f. it was fun. i needed out of the house & be with some friends. it was good. i had a lot of fun with them! hah .

well i am completely beat so i think i am gonna go to bed...i'll update another day

♥ AshRae(:

FUCK YOU YOU DAMNED CUNT!

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 20:52:13 GMT

okay is Valentine's Day & it was actually going well until 7th period. i have this "friend" see & the other day this "friend" asked me if i still liked Matt ~~which i do~~ & i told "friend" that. well ever since i told my "friend" that, my "friend" has been hanging all over him & today apparently my "friend" asks "Matt, can i give you a kiss because today is Valentine's Day?" when my "friend" knows how i feel about Matt! now what kind of fucking "friend" do that? apparently not a good one. my "friend" always tries to get what she wants whether or hurts someone else or not. when there isn't drama, they must create some. which pisses a bunch of people off. i was going to probably beat the shit outta them, but they aren't worth my fucking time. i literally can say this..

I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH! & YOU KNOW WHY I HATE YOU!

like seriously, if they were my "friend" they wouldn't have done it. i told Alyssa about it today & she was telling me that Matt isn't that dumb to go for them. when Matt told me that they had said, he told me that he just ignored them & talked to Courtney about stuff. i am seriously going to lay a smack down on someone. i would do ANYTHING to get out of Altoona High. no joke. i hate most of the people who go there. i pretty much want most of them dead except for a few people that i actually give a shit & they know who they are.

but anyway...i cant believe that my "friend" would do this to me. if you all are wondering why i am putting "friend" in quots..because i dont even consider them a "friend" if they do this to me. i mean honestly. what kind of "friend" would do this? whatever...i dont feel good...i am gonna go. bye

& the "friend"...pretty much almost everyone knows who they are..

-comment fools

♥AshRae ):

ugh ) :

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 22:38:34 GMT

honestly...today literally sucked ass. like...no joke. i cant take it anymore!!! i am sick & tired of the people in school i have to deal with day in & day out. i am sick of living here with assholes. i am sick of just living in general. like...i thought today was gonna be a good day, but no, that never happens with me. nope. never. it sucks. i hate it. & with tomorrow being Valentine's Day, that doesn't make life any easier. & PSSA's start tomorrow...oh joy? most of the time i do feel like i am better off dead. i think life would be better, but no...i am gonna get multiple comments saying "death is not the answer" i dont want to fucking hear it. i really dont. so if you are gonna tell me that....then dont comment.

like my parents (mainly my sucky ass father) are just being incomplete ASSHOLES! one of these days i am gonna shoot them both to get over this. like today...i was talkingto Matt about the Stu Co New York trip & my dad goes "you are limited to the trips you go on this year" & i am like "wtf? that doesn't make any sense! you said i wasn't allowed to go last year because of the fucking Myrtle Beach trip! THAT'S WHY I DIDNT FUCKING GO LAST YEAR COCK! the band trip this year is like $150. so suck on that" & he goes "well there is still a trip..." "yeah that i dont want you to go on with us, i dont want to see you there. see, YOU are the reason why i want to go to the University of Texas in Austin. I WANT THE HELL AWAY FROM YOU! I CANT WAIT TILL FUCKING GRADUATION! I AM SOO OUTTA HERE! LIKE BE LUCKY IF I GET ACCEPTED & EVEN COME BACK TO SEE YOU! I HATE YOU SOO GOD DAMN MUCH! I LITERALLY DO! I CANT FUCKING STAND LIVING HERE WITH YOU ALWAYS BEING AN ASSHOLE! IF YOU USED YOUR MONEY FOR MORE WISE THINGS & NOT SMOKING, WE'D HAVE FUCKING MONEY TO DO THINGS. BUT NO, ALL THE MONEY WE HAVE EVER HAD HAS GONE INTO YOU FUCKING SMOKING. FUCK YOU I HATE YOU!"

& yes i said that. i cant fucking take this anymore. i sadiuf6aw e5frtasiudfgowetasoid;fga8ef GOD FUCKING DAMNIT I HATE THE GOD DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING WORLD RIGHT NOW! I THINK I WANT TO MAKE AN ATOMIC BOMB & DROP IT ON THIS FUCKING HOUSE WHILE EVERYONE IS IN IT!

like today isn't getting better...

maybe i should move with my cousin.................i'd be outta this whole entire state & live with him in Maryland, where i know his family loves me because everytime he is at my Aunt's house down the street, i pretty much live there. his family knows what goes on here! they want me to move with them during the summer which doesn't sound half bad. his sister is in Texas right now & wont be coming back till after i leave there houuse if i were to move in. whatever.

i guess i'll update later :\

♥ AshRae ):

dhr9waeragsduifgawe98rta

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 19:29:08 GMT

there are so many things i wish i could say right now, but knowing me with my luck, if i say one thing, it will get turned around & used agaist me. which blows. honestly, i dont know what to do anymore. i am so sick & tired of people always trying to be there for me. i know they are trying & that is all i can ask for, but then i tell them things & i trust them, but then i find out they cant trust me? wtfever. i hate high school. i am like | | <--that close to just dropping out of high school. i feel like i am wasting my time on everything. i hate this feeling that is coming over me. it sucks & i dont like it.

this have literally went down the drain these past few weeks. i dont think i have ever felt this way in my life. oh well..shit happens i guess right? i hate liking who i like. oh if you have a problem with who i like...go kill yourself. i dont care what the fuck you have to say about who i like. YOU cant run MY life get over it. i cant stand when people are like "omg you like so & so? ew that's gross!" ask me if i really give a shit. go on, ask me. personally i dont care what you all think. i think you are all immature fuck bags who need to grow the fuck up! anyway. the love life went down the shitter. i mean honestly. i cant take it anymore!!! feeling the way i feel for people isn't good. so many times these past few days i have been like "why in the hell am i even here? there is no point to this life!" but then everytime someone finds out, i get bitched at, which is THE LAST THING i need from someone. seriously. i cant take it anymore.

i feel like i am losing touch with people. whatever. i need to realize that it is high school & your old friends are hard to keep with meeting new people. like all the kids i was friends with at RJHS i dont talk to much anymore. barely. mostly all of my friends came from Keith. ugh.

i wish summer would come faster. i just want to get the fuck outta here. with YL camp in June, & maybe going on vacation after summer school is like AMAZING! i dont know if we are allowed to take anyone this year, i guess it depends on what we are doing. like i heard we were going to Italy, then i heard that we are going back to Stone Harbor. i dont really care. i pretty much grew up in Stone Harbor. i love every part of that town. i wish i would let my family go back to Bethany Beach, DE, but i just cant. going down there & having to face the people i dont really want to see would be really tough. & with Kyle's memorial, that would just be even harder. it just wouldn't feel right. i would go down if Don was still alive, but ya know, shit happens. i miss that kid...i really do. he was one of the ONLY PEOPLE who actually understood me & what was going through my mind. it was like we were separated at birth or something, but now that is he gone, i dont know what to do with myself. finding out that you lost someone you are close with is probably one of the most toughest things i have ever been through. not very many people knew about Don & Kyle. i loved them. i really did. they meant EVERYTHING to me. but now that i dont have the chance to get there to see them ever....it's just...ugh. i dont know. i loved Bethany Beach, i did i swear i did, but now going down there & seeing Kyle's & Don's parents, i would just have a mental breakdown. when Kyle died, i had a major mental breakdown. only because i was there. then i went a tad bit insane. i had to see a shrink, but i got kicked out because i told them that i was going to kill them & throw them off of a bridge if they ask me one more god damned question. then i went to a mental home for about a week, but that didn't make anything better. people say that i am insane, well what happened in my past has made me become insane. there are many things wrong with my brain that i cant even begin to discuss...that would just take WAY to long to explain. i guess i need to get over the fact that neither one of them are coming back & that i will get to see them one day, sooner or later. i know they are in a better place without pain & suffering. i pray for their families every night & day.

i just wish all the stress would leave. with the PSSA's & SAT's coming up, life isn't getting much easier. my math teacher keeps telling us that if we dont get a 60% or higher on the PSSA's that we dont graduate high school. i just keep thinking *oh great, looks like i am stuck here FOREVER* i have that feeling that i cant pass high school. merr. i know people are going to be like, "oh you'll just fine" but i have that feeling. ugh. then SAT's i want to do well on that because i want to get into college, but i have no clue if i will do any better on that. because if i get a 500 on SATs, any college in the area will accept me. i want to do really well on that too because i want to get a good education when i get the hell out of that hell hole.

well i must get going because i am going to the mall & the movies with Alyssa...comment please

♥AshRae):

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 22:33:33 GMT

LAKE BUTLER, Fla. - Evidence suggests that a tractor-trailer never braked before it rear-ended a car full of siblings and shoved it into a stopped school bus on a rural highway, killing all seven children in the car, state troopers said.

Authorities were looking into whether the truck had a mechanical failure or whether its driver was tired or talking on a cell phone, among other possibilities, Florida Highway Patrol spokesman Lt. Mike Burroughs said. Also, a sample of 31-year-old Alvin Wilkerson’s blood will be tested for alcohol, Burroughs said.

“We want to know why he didn’t see a big, large school bus,” Burroughs said.

The grandfather of the siblings, who are adopted and ranged in age from 1 to 15, died after Wednesday’s crash.

William Scott, 62, “had a massive heart attack tonight over all this,” the children’s mother, Barbara Mann, told CNN. “I can’t deal with it.”

The siblings — the only people in the car — were two miles from home after school when they stopped behind the bus on the highway, where the speed limit is 60 mph.

Fire destroyed car
After the wreck, the car and the truck caught fire. Nothing remained of the car but ashes, Union County Sheriff Jerry Whitehead said. The bus ended up 200 feet from where it was struck, facing the opposite direction.

“It was horrible. People were screaming, children were wandering around, two were laying (in) the middle of the road,” said Joy Clemins, who lives nearby. “It is like they were walking around in a dream.”

Wilkerson, the bus driver and all nine students aboard the bus were injured. At least six victims remained hospitalized Thursday.

The car was being driven by a 15-year-old sister who had only a learner’s permit and was at the wheel illegally.

“Even though she was an underage driver, it’s my understanding she did not cause the accident,” her aunt Tina Mann told CNN. “The same thing would have happened had there been an adult in the car with her. We’d just have one more death in the family.”

Tina Mann said her niece had dropped off another child and was taking her siblings home to get ready to go to church.

Family and friends gathered Thursday around a campfire at the siblings’ home at the end of a dirt road. A swing set sat empty in the front yard.

A woman who declined to give her name said relatives didn’t want to talk Thursday. A sheriff’s deputy then asked reporters to leave.

Authorities identified the siblings as 15-year-old driver Nicki Mann; Elizabeth Mann, 15; Johnny Mann, 13; Heaven Mann, 3; Ashley Kenn, 13; Miranda Finn, who was 8 or 9; and Anthony Lamb, who was 1.

Regular driver
High school sophomore Tara Brown said Nicki Mann was her best friend and that she came to the school to pick up the children every day.

Three students from the bus were in serious condition and two were in good condition, hospital officials said Thursday. The bus driver was also hospitalized in stable condition.

Hours after the accident, residents flocked to evening services at First Baptist Church. “Union County is going to need, in the days and weeks and months ahead, a lot of hope,” James Croft told about 30 people.

The National Transportation Safety Board will investigate the accident.

Wilkerson had a valid commercial driver’s license, according to the state Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles. He was cited in 2000 for driving with a suspended license and was twice cited for operating a vehicle in unsafe condition, in 2000 and 2001.

Details were not immediately available, according to state officials.

now that is just enough to make a person sick...& like...wanting to die. if you were their adoptive mother...how would you feel?

♥ AshRae(:

-comment fools

i was such a fool to ever let go of you </3

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 20:45:30 GMT

BACKSTREET BOYS LYRICS

"Crawling Back To You"

Everybody knows that I was such a fool to ever let go of you
Baby I was wrong
Yeah I know I said we'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart, I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

I know you're in there and you can make me wait
But I'm not gonna wait
It's the least that I can do, just to tell you face to face
I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell
Girl I know you're mad, I can't blame you for being mad
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and now I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

If you could see these tears I'm crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You will see a different man

But baby here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you (come on)
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in? (let me in)
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you

Banging on your front door (darling)
My pride spilled on the floor
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you, yeah
Now I'm crawling back to you
Crawling back to you
Crawling back to you
Crawling back to you

---longer update later

♥ AshRae

i wanna see your grill <3

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 21:55:48 GMT

wow...today was the first day back to school after vacation! it kinda sucked.

before homeroom-this morning i walked around with Tarran for a little while. then i saw Tom at his locker & i stood there with him talking to him. Alyssa came over & joined us for a little while. Then we all walked Tom over to his homeroom & we walked around the halls together. Alyssa & i said our goodbyes & headed back to the A Building.

homeroom-i love homeroom. it makes me happy. haha. i was talking to Court, Lindsey, & Lauren. then Jason had called my name & i went up to talk to him. then we had to sit in our seats for the announcements to come on & what not. my conversations with Lauren are absolutely awkward. hahaha i love it..

after homeroom & i always walk with Alyssa & Derek. they make me happy. today was just a lot of fun.

world history-we got new seats today..i sit by Katie Folmar, Emily Ross, & Jenny Dunn. we talked about current events & how that little 6 year old boy was stabbed in Tyrone...that is just sick. who in their right mind would do something like that? we worked on a map today in his class...that's all we did.

english-we did our bellringer...we had to take the words Happy New Year & see how many words we could make out of it using 3 or more letters. haha then we had to define what an odssey was & we had to explain one. then we got this really heavy packet on the book. ugh...that's all we did

chemistry-even though i am failing chemistry. i still find it oddly interesting. i have a 69.32% in that class...i am doing better than most. haha. but today we learned Molar Mass...like i understood how to do Mole problems because we did them before...but finding the molar mass is what i didn't get. haha. oh well.

algebra II-i had to talk to Ms. Saclaro on how i had to make up a test on thursday that i missed on the day we left for vacation because i had an orthodontist appointment. haha. then we were going over some problems...i feel really confident in that class. most of the time. then she brought up how if we dont score a proficient on the Math section of the PSSA's then we cant graduate high school until we do. which blows. haha then she was talking about SATs which i am probably going to take in March even though the math section of the PSSA isthe same month ): whatever...i hope i pass.

c Lunch-my favorite time of the day. i love the people i sit with at lunch. they make me happy. Katie, Dani, Dominique, & Lindsay. haha they are nuts. after we sat down from standing in line to get food, Dominique threw her cheese at me. so i laid it on Katie's book & when she came back to sit down she smacked me across the face with it...so then we put it in Sean's agenda (: haha then i was listening to Dominiques conversation with Lindsay & she was like "are you jewish? do you celebrate Christmas or Kwanza?" & i was like "dude...Kwanza is what the black people celebrate...jewish people celebrate haunakah" & Matt was walking past at that time & he just gave me this look that read *wtf is your problem?* hahaha i love it. after lunch i went to Tom's locker...i am so mean to that kid...haha i love him though.

spanish 1-well before class i stand outside & talk to Matt & today some really fat black kid ran me over in the hall way...haha. anyway during spanish class we learning something new that i understood until she assigned the homework. i was like..."uhh...duh" i didn't understand what we were doing at all the whole time...hahahahahaha oh well....

child care 1-yeah.we just kinda worked on these worksheets that she gave us & reminded us that we have the children tomorrow. ugh. i finished my worksheet at like 1:39 & class isn't over until 1:55 haha..so i tried to work on my spanish homework! which i did finish btw.

band-i love this class. we had to play today like none other. we did scales like holy moly. but county band is starting up soon which i am definitely looking forward too but we are going to Bellwood for the 2 days of it. so i get to see some of my friends who go out there! (: it makes me happy so i definitely signed up to do it. February 6th & 7th...i cant wait (:

after school-i came home & did my homework...i got my math done, but i dont understand my chemistry. so i guess have to go in tomorrow morning to ask her about it & what i am doing wrong. haha i hope that goes well. haha right now i am talking to Tiff online because i love her & i dont talk to her much anymore! woo!

btw, 9 more months till i turn 18 yo'!!! haha

& from now on...i am going to leave my journal with a thought or quote from the bible i got from YL camp (:

so here is today's quote

Philippians 1:9-11 "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more & more in knowledge & depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best & may be pure & blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory & praise of God."

-comments are appreciated-
♥ AshRae

PROM DRESS PREVIEW

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 02:32:15 GMT

comment & let me know if you like it!

♥ AshRae

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 05:39:51 GMT

tomorrow afternoon around 1 i am leaving for State College with my family & a few other people.

so people dont be hesitant to call my cell phone if you wanna talk tomorrow

327-2102

call me & wish me a happy new year

if not...leave me comments on here or whatever so i know you care ( : hahhaa

goodnight to all (:

♥ AshRae

just because i am bored

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 06:33:16 GMT

YOUR PORN STAR NAME
(name of FIRST pet + street you grew up on):
Friskey Walnut

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME
(grand parent of same gender's first name + favorite snack):
Teddi Celery

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME
(first word you see on your left + favorite restaurant):
Trees Ponderosa

4. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME
(first initial + Last three letters of your last name):
Aden

5. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME
(favorite animal + name of high school mascot):
Cat Moutian Lion

6. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME
(middle name + city where you were born):
Rae Altoona

7. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME
(name of sibling/parent [opposite sex] + cell phone company you use):
Nick Verizon

i love you ...

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 05:12:29 GMT

comment & let me know what you think of this picture ( :

♥ AshRae

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 02:07:54 GMT

yeah new layout...yet again

comment & let me know what you think

♥ AshRae

ugh :\

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 15:32:22 GMT

All I cant say

There's so much I can't say
When I look into your eyes
I'm worried you'll reject me
and hurt my foolish pride.
Each day this love grows stronger,
But I could never let you know.
There's so much behind my smile
That I could never show.
I'd hold you for a lifetime,
If you would let me in.
I'd love you like no other,
But you don't understand.
Everytime I see you
You are holding on to her.
The pain is like a knife
Cutting deep into my soul.
So I'll dream of us together,
Of just how it could be.
And all that you are
Will remain a silent part of me...

that poem goes out to the loves of my life...one knows how i feel...the other one doesn't. i hope by him reading this he'll understand ♥

last night was an okay night...until i got home

well first i went to the mall with Alyssa to go shopping for people for Christmas...

then we headed over to the movies to meet up with Kelsey, Katie, Emily, Courtney, & Chelsey

we saw Cheaper By The Dozen 2

it was fun...

then my mom picked me up & we went to get Tom's present ( :

i called him from my mom's phone & we talked for an hour

he could tell something was wrong & he didn't want to get off the phone with me

so he asked if i could go there

his parents said no

so he asked if my mom picked him up & my brother took him home if he could come to my house

they still said no

ugh............................

then my mom took me to get something to eat at Taco Bell

then i had to come home to these assholes

not fun..............

i told my mom that i wanted an iPOD for Christmas...

that stupid faggot thought i was kidding...........

so her & my brother were making fun of me...

so i told them to fuck off & to never talk to me again

to this moment i haven't said a word to either of them

& personally i dont give a shit either ( :

what makes me mad most about it is that

I AM FUCKING FAMILY! I NEVER FUCKING MAKE FUN OF THEM! SO WHATTHEFUCKEVER!

i hate living here

last night i was on the verge of killing myself

i had no one to talk to

then i decided to just leave...

i would go to Tom's

stay there for the night so i would get away from them...

but i couldn't get out of the house

ugh.

i hate them soo much

& the fact that it is soo close to Christmas...

do they care?

FUCK NO!

they are inconsiderate assholes who pretty much hate me

& they wonder why i hate them

& why i love going to school

SO I DONT HAVE TO FUCKING SEE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

I MEAN HONESTLY

WHO TREATS THEIR FUCKING CHILD/SIBLING LIKE THIS!?

i cant take it anymore

i even told my mom that i dont want to have anything to do with her when i fucking turn 18

that i am probably going to move out & go somewhere else

WHERE I KNOW I AM WANTED!

i cant fucking wait till i turn 18

no more fucking bullshit

i'll legally be an adult

i'll have my OWN car

i will be able to leave whenever the fuck i want

i cant fucking wait

i hate this soo much

i cried myself to sleep last night

cause they pissed me off

they tried to apologize

but i didn't accept it

what the did was disrespectful

i didn't even kiss my mother good night

i just want to get out of this fucking house

forever.......................

& pretty much the only way of getting out of it is.....

well............

death...................................................

i know people will be all like

wpiyr89q2659qywrfhasi6trfq79w65rasgfdui

when they read this.

but they have no idea what happened last night...

ugh...

i am gonna go lay down i dont feel good...bye

♥AshRae

hey hey hey...

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 14:33:48 GMT

new layout...yet again..

comment & let me know if you like it...

just in time for the holidays

i am in english class right now

not doing what i am supposed to

because that's how i roll yo'!

haha i am gonna go before i get caught..

commet losers!

♥ AshRae

yo yo yo let this chicken flow!

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 23:03:43 GMT

sorry i haven't updated in a while

things have just been crazy lately

everyone like the new layout?

comment & let me know

this update is really only for Matt

because last night he told me that i needed to update

lol

he is one crazy kid... i love it & him <3

Amanda Steele's birthday party is in 6 days not counting today!

Christmas is in 8 days

then..............

STATE COLLEGE FOR NEW YEARS!!!!!

woot woot i cant wait to go

i might be taking Nikki...if she is allowed

this weekend has been hell so far...

3 performances in 2 days! honest to God............

one yesterday

two today

& already did 2 out of the 3

which i have to go to in about an hour & a half

i should be getting ready right now

but i dont feel like it....hahaha

my brother is home for Christmas ♥

also...........

i might be hanging out with Tom tomorrow (:

i was going to hang out with him tonight

but i have another concert to go to

& he wanted me to go to this party with him tonight with his parents so he wouldn't die of boredom :\

i felt bad because he has to go alone now ) :

I AM SUCH A BAD PERSON!.............

did i mention that i love Matt Williams because he is my bFf*ness forever?!

lol

this is kind of a pointless update..............

hey well i g2g because my mom is home & she is going to help me straighten my hair ( :

--comment yo!

♥ AshRae